Supporting a Loved One After Sexual Assault: What to Say and Do
When someone you care about has experienced sexual assault, it can be overwhelming to know how to support them. You may feel unsure of what to say, how to act, or how to help them heal. The truth is, your support can make a significant difference in their journey toward recovery. At V.O.I.C.E.S. Against Sexual Assault, we understand the complexities of trauma and the vital role loved ones play in a survivor’s healing process. Here’s how you can offer compassionate, trauma-informed support.
1. Listen Without Judgment
Survivors need a safe space to share their experiences if and when they are ready. Your role is not to investigate or question them but to listen with empathy.
What to Say:
-“I believe you.”
-“I’m here to listen whenever you’re ready.”
-“You don’t have to share more than you want to.”
What to Avoid:
- “Are you sure that’s what happened?” (This can be invalidating and make them doubt themselves.)
- “Why didn’t you fight back?” (Survivors respond in many different ways, including freezing or dissociating.)
- “You need to move on.” (Healing is not linear, and pressure to “get over it” can be harmful.)
2. Validate Their Feelings
Sexual assault can bring a range of emotions—anger, shame, fear, sadness, or even numbness. Let them know their feelings are valid and that there is no “right” way to heal.
What to Say:
-“It’s okay to feel however you’re feeling.”
-“You are not alone in this.”
-“What happened was not your fault.”
3. Respect Their Choices
Survivors may or may not want to report the assault, seek therapy, or talk about their experience. It’s crucial to empower them by respecting their decisions rather than pressuring them.
How to Support:
• Ask, “How can I best support you right now?”
• Let them take the lead in what they need.
• Avoid pushing them into taking actions they’re not comfortable with.
What to Avoid:
❌ “You need to go to the police.” (This is their choice, and pushing them may add more trauma.)
❌ “You should talk to someone.” (Encourage, but don’t force them into therapy.)
4. Offer Practical Support
Healing can be exhausting, and survivors may struggle with daily tasks. Offering tangible support can ease their burden.
Ways to Help:
-Offer to cook meals, run errands, or help with childcare.
-Accompany them to appointments if they ask.
-Help them research trauma-informed therapists or support groups.
What to Avoid:
-Taking control—support should be empowering, not overbearing.
5. Be Patient with Their Healing Process
Healing is a journey, not a straight path. There will be good and bad days. Show up consistently, even when they seem distant or withdrawn.
-Reassure them that their feelings are valid.
-Encourage self-care but don’t push it.
-Let them heal at their own pace.
6. Learn About Trauma and Resources
Understanding how trauma affects the brain and body can help you be a better supporter. Educate yourself on trauma responses and what resources are available.
National Resources:
• RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network): 800-656-HOPE
• National Sexual Assault Hotline: www.rainn.org
-Programs Like Healing Voices at V.O.I.C.E.S. Against Sexual Assault
We offer a 10-week trauma-informed therapy and coaching program to help survivors process their experiences in a safe and supportive space. If your loved one is seeking structured support, encourage them to explore programs that fit their needs.
7. Take Care of Yourself Too
Supporting a survivor can be emotionally challenging. Make sure you are also practicing self-care and seeking support when needed.
✔️ Consider a support group for loved ones.
✔️ Set healthy boundaries to avoid burnout.
✔️ Seek therapy if you need help processing your emotions.
Final Thoughts
Your love, patience, and support can be incredibly healing for a survivor. By creating a safe, nonjudgmental space and respecting their journey, you can help them reclaim their sense of power and self-worth.
If you or a loved one needs support, V.O.I.C.E.S. Against Sexual Assault is here to help. Contact us to learn more about our trauma-informed programs and resources.
You are not alone. Together, we can create a world where survivors are heard, believed, and supported.